Spineless? More like brainless A-holes!

Here's the thing. This Punjabi friend of mine recently commented "South Indian men are spineless. They aren't men at all." I'm not a person to take offense to such regionalism. I am used to it. From her especially. I am used to the "South Indian people are so dark! If my kid were dark, I'd disown him", "My grandma used to ask me to keep a distance from dark kids lest I get their colour", "You south Indian people lack class", etc. I don't pay any attention to them because they are narrow minded views of a woman who has been brought up in certain ways and refuses to broaden her spectrum of thoughts. Most importantly, I don't pay any attention to such comments because I know that she is a good person and that all that is just talk. But, this comment of hers "South Indian men are spineless. They aren't men at all" remained in my head. Again, I didn't take offense, I brushed it aside as ignorance and let it go. Well, here we go.

Dear N,

1. My Appa helps Amma out in the kitchen to which your reaction was "Aww.. that is so sweet!" How do things go at you place? You and your mum are the only ones to cook. Hell! Your dad and brother NEVER get water for themselves, you get it for them. Even though they maybe only two steps away from the table.

2. Appa, the sibling and I help Amma set up the dining table and clean up after our meal. How are things at your place? YOU set up the table alone and then, actually REQUEST your Pappaji and your bhaiyaji (who are lounging in front of the T.V., on the couch) to please sit at the table for a meal. Request. Request. Every single day, every single meal.

3. When your Ma ain't home, you become the maid of the house. When my Amma ain't home, my Appa takes care of us and we help him out in any way we can.

4. Ever since you crossed the "marriageable age" limit, you are being treated as a maid at your house. Oh, not just a maid. Their driver, their butler, in short their "haan ji" doll. My Appa treats me like a person. An actual grown up person.

5. Your views are easily brushed aside. You have been taught that a woman's place is in the kitchen and taking care of the house. And you live by it. I have been taught to think independently, do things by myself and not to listen to anyone who is trying to limit me. As a result, I've turned out head strong. But, hell, I do whatever the fuck I want to and you are limited by their leash. And yes, whatever I do, my dad is proud of my actions even though some of them make him go "Oh My God! You did that!? HOW DID YOU DO IT!?"

6. You have been taught that before marriage you should always be dependent on your daddy for money. After marriage, be dependent on your husband for money. I have been taught to get a good job, earn for myself and KEEP MYSELF SECURE. Dependency has very little room. Till date, Amma doesn't take any money from Appa. And here you are thinking of not working at all once you get your degree. No judgement. But, allow me a little room for pity.

7. You mom actually told you "Your weight loss and skin care regime shouldn't suffer. I don't care what you do about your exam." For us, education is of UTMOST importance. To you people, it is beauty over brains. For us, it is brains over everything else. You told me that your mom said that because of your "marriageable age" (Ban that phrase please!) Guess what? It doesn't matter what age. For us, education always comes first. My mom, at the age of 40+ is learning German at a professional level. For fun. So, yes, education for fun is also encouraged. Your parents are just asking you to be a bimbo with no brains.

Good Lord, this post is bordering on being hateful toward her. My point is, you are living with a bunch of male chauvinist bastards who don't deserve you or your ma. And you put up with it. I am in turn living with this Pa who respects me, my actions, my thoughts, my choice AND my behaviour. Not just my Pa. Even my cousins (all male clan!) respect me. I deal with ZERO chauvinism in the house, in the family, in the extended family! Everybody is treated as an equal. I just feel really sorry for your pathetic little existence.

I'm irritated, frustated, annoyed and DONE!

It doesn't take much to get me irritated these days. That is, when I'm busy numbing my brain and you walk in and create a mess of it by making me think. 8th August is the doomsday. I'm trying NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT. And you do such random, irritating and frustrating acts that, I swear, I want to strangle you! For my own peace of mind, I am going to let all that hatred out. Right here; right now. Every little thing that annoys me comes out now and my head stays in peace. Hopefully. *I'm not the one to let go!*

When you burp and fart loudly, you make me feel disgusted. I want to do nothing more than gut you. Let me enjoy my Dominos pizza in peace.

A white shirt goes well with blue denims. It's simple, yes, but looks elegant. Quit bugging me. You asked for my opinion, I gave it to you. You asked for it. BLOODY HELL, TAKE IT.

When you ramble on about the new procedures to be adopted for tax audit this season and my stomach is grumbling in response, it's two hours past my lunch time and I'm hungry. Just because I sit there in dignified silence doesn't mean I respect you. I respect the germs in the toes of my feet MORE. I just want my internship coursework papers signed this week and to be let go of FOR GOOD!

Just because I fuck you over, leave you in a mess for 15 days (on purpose) doesn't mean you can make me stay for however long you want. Fuck you, this is between the Institute and me, you are just the dummy signing authority.

When you make me wait two hours for lunch, don't let me go to Pizza Hut and fake smile me into eating the a sandwich (which is bloody soggy from keeping it as it is for an hour) and roadside potato chips, I hate you even more. You made me miss my grape sangria, cheese garlic bread and their pasta/pizza with lots of oregano in it. I. Hate. You.

When you look like one of those prostitutes depicted in the movie Jab We Met and you stand in front of the mirror for 25 minutes (no exaggeration; no kidding) and keep "grooming" yourself, I'm sorry, you still end up looking like you did before. NOT GOOD. I have this deep seated urge to yell "Oh! My eyes! My eyes!" after looking at you. And when you talk! Oh my God! That accent! That English! That.. That.. My 6 year old niece speaks better. And lose the accent, bitch!

People call you their "washroom buddy"/"bathroom buddy".. Seriously, get a life! Outside the washroom!

So, this TamBrahm guy was bullshitting (not a word!) and casually said that you (a TamBrahm girl) were called beautiful by his mom. He even told me that family talks were on for him and some other girl. When you start taking him seriously and say "I'll have a personal chat with him later to know whether what he told was true" I have an issue with it because we are close and you are making a fool of yourself. He wasn't indirectly proposing you and neither was his mom. You look beautiful and are the quintessential TamBrahm girl. THERE IS NO READING IN BETWEEN THE LINES. Get over it.

You are my soul-sister. I am super glad I met you. Something you should know about me. I am really freaked out right now. You keep buzzing me. I am not used to it.You made me meet your mom. HELLO! We've known each other 15 days! And your blog is depressing. I am practically at the door! Soul-sisters! Am I like that? Shit! You made me think. Argh!

You are loud, talk shit and you also said "Harry Potter sucks!". Save your breath for someone else, you are already in my ignore list. Oh! And I know it was you who wrote "You have an attitude problem" in the fish pond game.

Believe me when I say this, I don't have a problem that you smoke and drink. We have fun! I didn't know you had a girlfriend (then again, we'd known each other only two weeks). Nevertheless, we do have fun. Hope we can continue that. You are a good guy. Forget about the should-have-been part of life. Enjoy it now.

You! You have no control over what you speak. None whatsoever! "Kaccha" is NOT a word that you use in a Group Discussion. That's a strict no. And yet, I find you adorable. You are cute. :P

And you! Master bowler! You kept getting strikes while I kept getting the left gutter. Good guy, completely unpredictable. I had great fun with you. I keep having doubts whether I have a crush on you. But, I don't know. I really don't.

You are 22 years old! And you are getting married! Just because the guy wants to get married before he turns 30 next year! You are regretting it and you need to stop it! Please. Don't be stupid. YOU of all the people in this world!

Enough with the marriage and the jathagam and the Nakshatram talks. I'm sick of listening to it all the time. I am yet to turn 23 and people can't stop talking about marriage. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM IN LIFE?

You tell me one more time about 8th August and I will not be responsible for my actions.

You are a 40 year old woman. Sure I consider you a friend, but, you are not my mother. You are a friend who is practically double my age and may never be on the same wavelength as me. You are conservative and traditional in your approach. Do not advice me on how I should proceed with things WHEN I DIDN'T EVEN ASK FOR ANY! I hug my friends, even guy friends, SO WHAT? They don't take it otherwise, I don't and NEITHER SHOULD YOU. It's none of your business. Stay away.

Aye Aye Aye! I thought we could work things out. Ego is such a bitch, I tell you. I tried to not bring mine into the picture and you never tried to get yours away from the it. We're done even before we started. You are an asshole. Probably never lovers. It'll take time for you to realize that. Back to being best friends?

You give her a hard time, never make things easy for people and are intrusive. You know and I know what I want for you.


And I'm not done. But, done for now. Good night, people!

Exams are important: Concentrate! (I think not)

I feel like my head is going to burst! Argh! I have so many thoughts, all of them useless or of no importance when compared to my CA Final exams that more than half the time I catch myself day dreaming. Seriously! What is wrong with me! Okay, I thought I'd write everything down, clean the slate and start "understanding" Advanced Auditing and Professional Ethics again. I wish I could just ponder and ponder and ponder all over again about all those unnecessary topics.

1. I am absolutely hooked to all the chic lit books that are on offer for free in epub or pdf format. Literally hooked. Why? Because chic lit books DO NOT require any use of the head. It is just plain read between the lines, skip a couple of pages, two hours later, bham! You are done with a 305 page book. Seriously, I'm reading Meg Cabot, Lucy Diamond, unknown authors! Oh, the Shopoholic series! I have The Godfather Returns with me, I've read some 15 pages of it and kept it aside. I do not wish to read anything heavy, as if my textbooks weren't heavy enough!

2. I can't stop thinking about travelling solo. I recently chanced upon this awesome WorkAway website (yes, good morning to me) where host families provide free accommodation and food. In turn, you need to work some 4 hours a day, 5 days a week; work as in help them out in whatever way they have listed on their profiles. It's amazing! My first solo trip IS going to be a workaway. Let me be honest, I do have a good amount of savings from my measly stipend, but all that is tucked away for other endeavours. My first solo trip sometime in September/October 2015! (Yeah, my 2014 trip has already been planned with my family, there's no turning back on that! All you lucky dogs, I'll be down South :P)

3. I have this HUGE, MAJOR and LUSTING crush on Jeff Lieberman. Jeff Lieberman? The guy who hosts Time Warp on Discovery Science? How can you not want that? I mean, him. And just how can someone who holds two B.S. degrees, two M.S. degrees and is currently pursuing a PhD and is also a cool science show host be Oh-So-Hot! And the show if fuck awesome!

 4. I am exercising diligently. I cannot say that I am able to control what I stuff myself with. But, yes, I do exercise regularly, even if I am bored. Twice a day for a total of 2 hours. Happy. Happy. Happy. :) And obsessing over my figure. :(

5. I am thoroughly enjoying reruns of F.R.I.E.N.D.S on my computer. It is such a great show. So good. I don't think any show can ever beat it. Not even The Big Bang Theory or Suits or Two and a Half Men, especially since Charlie's been dead. Nope. And Chandler Bing, I love that guy :D Hooked!

 6. I read this book "Me Before You" that deals Dignitas. Well, deal as in, it's a chic lit book wherein Dignitas has been weaved into the story. Suffice to say, I read the first 70-80 pages, found it immensely depressing since I could confidently guess the ending, so, I read the last 3 pages. This got me thinking about suicide. No. No. Not what you think. As in, why people commit suicide. I'm not referring to Dignitas here. If you are physically or mentally ill, there is no chance of recovery and it is terminal, by all means, you have should have the right to put an end to your own suffering. Others have no say in it. I'm talking about people committing suicide for awful reasons like bad score, getting dumped, getting fired, having fights, not having anyone to lean on. What shit? I'm not saying you don't have a problem, you do, but deal with it instead of taking an easy way out. Come on, life ain't that bad. You have bad times now, you've had better times earlier, you've had great times too! At the end of the day, just hope that your parting words are "Life is beautiful" much like The Godfather. (Really, read that book. The movie is crap, in my opinion)

7. I am addicted to the TV and ShowBiz section of http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/index.html. I don't know, it's just a nice soothing feeling to watch celebs go about their daily lives. Come on. i read the TOI for real news. Not that there's much.

Okay, I'm done. I'll be enjoying point 7 for a few minutes and return to studies. Happy Auditing to me. :(

Comments are most welcome!!

Expectations

To a new born kid: You are such a beautiful kid, you will grow up to be a doctor/engineer and make us proud

To a school going kid: You need to score so and so marks and I'll buy you whatever you want; if you don't, you won't get anything

To a college going kid: You are in college now, you need to take life seriously, no girlfriends, no parties, no hanging out with friends, no fun, start studying and put in all the efforts

To a college graduate (boy): You have earned your degree, you need to find a well paying job and work hard

To a college graduate (girl): you have earned your degree, if you wish, find a job, earn work experience of a year or two and then we'll get you married; we'll start looking soon

For getting married (arranged): You need to settle down in life now. It is high time you do so.

For getting married (love): You know nothing about love and what is good for you. You will get married to the person we choose for you

After getting married: Come on, make us grandparents/uncles/aunties soon. What else do you need? You have a life partner and now children will complete your family.

After children: You never come to meet us, we never get to meet our grandchildren. Why are you doing this?

In case of divorce (arranged marriage): The girl needs to be understanding. Don't think about divorce. Also think about how it will reflect on us. What will the child do?

In case of divorce (love marriage): I TOLD YOU SO!

It's not that a new born kid ever knows it's surroundings or what the hell the parents whisper into it's ears. When a kid enters school, is it so hard to teach kids the meaning of ambition, goals, aims, the good, the bad, the consequences and results beforehand before going around bribing them with so and so goodies in case of a good rank or percentage? Is it so hard to give college children a sit down, discussing their goals in life, how to achieve them and encouraging them to have fun? Is it so hard to give a young adult time and space to make sure their career goals are achieved before stepping into marriage? Is it hard not to understand "I am not ready for marriage yet!"? Is it hard to understand "I am in love!"? Is it hard to understand that once two people get married, it is their job to worry about having kids and raising them and that others are not privy to information about their lives? Is one's social status more important than a happy life of your kith and kin? Is it hard not to make a point of about a zillion "I told you so!" instead of providing comfort, understanding and support?

Expectation costs nothing to the person expecting all the shit in life. It is the person expected to fulfill the other person's fantasies that suffers. Without having much time in hand to fulfill his own wishes, he is running about trying to fulfill the dreams of his parents, partner, children, friends, relatives, bosses and God knows countless others! Poor suckers we all are.

Comments are most welcome!!

I just can't relate to it!!

Alright. I know many of us find ourselves in such situations. You see someone doing/saying something that you JUST can't relate to. Yes, it has happened. And I am about to list out some of them.

1. Not following pedestrian crossing signal- Let me explain how the signal works. When the red light glows, the pedestrians are supposed to halt to let the traffic pass. When the green light glows, the pedestrians should cross the road. How hard is it to understand this basic rule. Really? You think the traffic rules were put in place to cause you more harm than there is!?

2. Motorists honking before the signal says "Go!"- Are you blind? If so, you wouldn't have been given a driver's license. Oh wait, you may not even have a license. My mistake. Either way, let us just assume that since you drive, you are not visually impaired. So, when you can see that the light has not turned green, there are still 4-5 seconds left for the signal to scream "Go!", why the fuck are you honking like there is fire up your ass?

3. Accents- I hate accents. People who live in India, talk in accents. People who go abroad for a very short span, talk in accents. Why? Do you know the one thing I genuinely love and respect about the way Indians speak English? The neutral accent. Yes. When we speak, everybody can understand. That's awesome. It really is. When you ruin that by faking an accent, it takes all the will power in me to not twist your tongue.

4. Speaking loudly over the phone- No. I am not talking about those times when people felt speaking loudly over the phone on a long distance call ensured better quality. I'm talking about the rising level in our speaking volumes today. Okay, given, not just the volume, I hate it when people are rude enough to pick up their mobile phones when another person is having a conversation with them. Hey! I am Queen Rude. I can be rude just to anybody, I can be mean anytime I want. But even I have the manners to say "Excuse me" in formal situations and "Hey! Give me just two minutes for this phone call" during informal conversations. Get your courtesy up and going, people!

5. When girls talk- I know, guys, I know, we talk a lot. Sorry, not we. They talk a lot! I can write as and when my mood permits and I just feel like rambling. How can you girl talk for such long periods over the phone without getting a jaw ache or an ear ache with all the mobile radiation? And how the fuck does your mobile not get heated up? I swear, I was commuting by bus today and this girl beside me was just rambling on about how she was going to some multiplex to buy tickets to the latest box office hit movie. She was rambling, I swear, I'm unable to exactly elaborate on what aspects of the process she touched. Eventually, even the guy on the other end stopped listening, or so I guessed since she suddenly started yelling "Aap kabhi meri baat sunte hi nahi ho? Kabhi toh baat suna karo aur acche se jawab do!" (Translation: "You never listen to anything I say! Can you sometimes listen to what I am saying and give an appropriate response?") Seriously, girl, what do you expect? Do you want him to jump up and down, all excited because you are going to purchase movie tickets for some stupid movie that did not deserve to be a hit? Bloody hell, the guy was not even invited to the movie. Go, take a walk!

6. Distance- People! Maintain some distance! Remember, in school, during the Physical Training period, our teachers taught us the "One hand distance" rule? How about a little application of that in real life? Especially when we are standing in queues? I always, always maintain a good amount of distance with the person in front of me. But the woman behind me has her boobs stuck to my back trying to peer over what is going on ahead or the guy behind me is sticking to me with his bloody paunch and breathing down my neck! And the kids! Seriously? Do you even attend school? When kids stand behind you in a queue, one thing is for certain, the head will touch your butt, accidentally of course, they will touch your hips or butt or back while standing restlessly behind you. What the F!?

7. Guys and porn- No, no, guys! I'm supporting you. Girls! Listen up! Men will be men and boys will be boys. You've heard that, haven't you? Well, what's not to understand? Yes, men watch porn, a lot! So what? As long as he's not actually cheating on you, come on, give the guy a break. So he is watching something stimulating and enjoying himself with a solo performance. Don't by coy, you, sly you! You read 50 shades, girl! You enjoyed Christian Grey! Why the eff can't the guys enjoy!? Hmph!

8. Comments on clothing- I simply can't stand it when people comment on what others are wearing. So what if she's wearing a tight T-shirt? So what if she is wearing shorts? So what if the guy is wearing pink? Good Lord, live and let live! I mean, do you want me to comment about the fucking sleeveless purple colour turtle neck sweater you are wearing with blue jeans on a hot summer day in Mumbai? No? Well, shut up!

That is about it for now :-)

Comments are most welcome!!

Guys, men, boys, the male species!

Image courtesy: http://www.postmodernsass.com/blogger/uploaded_images/BoysAreStupid-759160.jpg

You guys are idiots. No, really. You are all idiots! Seriously, your level of understanding is at par with seven year olds. Even an eight year old girl would think from a better angle.

Okay, fine, I'm just pissed off. I mean, the guys I do have a crush on seem to not notice me and the guys I had a crush on look like shit now and I go "Really? I wanted him!?" Seriously! What is with you guys? When I do like you, I am not noticed. Hell! It is not my fault that I am independent. It is not my fault that I do not require help from guys most of the time. 

"Ha Ha! Yo! Shreesha! You drive the vehicle. Yo! Shreesha, lets drink until the girls cook dinner! Yo! Shreesha! Let us veg in front of the T.V watching stupid superhero movies! Yo! Shreesha! Let us talk about sex and make dirty jokes and make the other girls uncomfortable!"

Yes! I enjoy doing all that shit. No, I do not have the patience for shopping. No, I do not have the patience for gossip, I get my earful and mouthful from bitching (did that even sound right?) Yes, I am a huge disappointment as far as the female species go. BUT, HEY!! I AM A GIRL! You want proof? Look at me! And bloody hell, I like you. Yes, you! How the fuck is that not obvious? I am laughing at your every joke (however stupid), I am dressing well (unlike the others :-) ) and I have no idea what else to add. Yes, I help you with the driving and the talks and all that shit, but, I want you too! Hell, when we got drunk, do you know what a tough time I had with keeping my hands and myself in check? What did I want to do, you ask? I don't know, smooch you, rip your shirt off and ask you to bed. No, no. Don't you dare judge me. That is what crushes are all about when you hit the adult side of the 20s. In college, crushes were all about hearts and red and pink and balloons and all that crap. Growing up, you realize all that was indeed crap and need something more. For me, at this juncture, where stress relief factors play a major role, all I can think about is alcohol and sex. Seriously! "Dear Lord, he looks so good, he talks very well. Hmm, quite an intellect, good personality.. hmm.. I think I may even like him.." A couple of days and bham!! You are fantasizing. Don't deny it. You are making a fool of yourself. 

And my crush doesn't even realize any of this. No, no. At 6 feet height and all that knowledge of accountancy, common sense seems to have taken a backseat at least as far as basic human needs go, if you know what I mean. Argh! And he thinks of me as a kid. Well, take that thought and shove it up your ass. I am super pissed off.

And, remember Mr. Shreesha Iyengar? He is another fool. Simply out of this world! He got a job. Yay! Shreesha happy. But, Shreesha pissed off too. Why? Well, since his life has taken a turn for the better, things with his girlfriend are all rosy. I'm happy and all, but, I have been left behind. I'm not talking competition or anything. I'm saying guys should have the basic courtesy to maintain contact with someone who has helped you through difficult times. Wait. Not just guys. People, in general. Why the fuck do I never find myself on the side where I end up leaving people who have helped me? That's right, I am a good girl! :-)

Okay, I am sleepy and bored and addicted to the Lungi Dance song, especially the "Yo! Yo! Honey Singh!" part :-P Needed to rant and I have done the same. 

Good night and Happy Independence Day, in advance!!

Comments are most welcome!!

To my Chartered Accountant friend!

My heartiest congratulations to you, you are now a Chartered Accountant. And, yes, I love you. No matter what ensued between us, I still love you. I know, I fucked up, badly. But, seriously, be true to yourself, can you blame me? You, K, are an awesome all rounder. You gave the CA-Inter exam and cleared. I was so happy for you. Not just me, both A and I were genuinely so pleased. We hadn’t studied at all. So, we were fine with us failing. You started your internship, yes, we had fun, I had to face my parents wrath, but, oh, well, teenage years, friends were everything then. The second attempt, remember how we were so worried about A? I even remember texting you, say two to three months before the exam “I don’t feel like studying at all. I hope A clears. She seems to depressed and upset.” Then, we discussed in length about A and you asked me to o study or to go to hell. Hell I did go to. A and I didn’t clear, again. The second attempt! Blah!

Then, it was my turn to worry. Realization suddenly dawned on me. What was I doing? There were my parents spending so much on me without blinking an eye, and here I was, whiling away my future, on friends? Are you fucking kidding me? Of course my family is more important, of course my future is more important, of course my parents’ hard earned money is more important and of course I wasn’t going to believe you when you said “C’mon! We’ll study together and this time you’ll clear” What? Did you forget that we studied together for the first attempt? Did you think I forgot that you were the smartest of us all? A had all the dance and cultural arts thing going on in her life. What was I good at? Dance, no. Music, once upon a time, yes. Sports, no. Academics, no. Future? Of course I didn’t have any! So, what did I do? I buckled down, I cut off contact, concentrated hard (I am not one of those to quickly grasp things, least of all, finance, something I don’t understand!), and cleared the exam. Finally, my third attempt. A failed again and gave up Chartered Accountancy. I screwed up our friendship majorly and I know it. But, I know it was for a good cause. I cleared the exam, my parents were extremely happy and I had some hope for a future, a career.

This Is in no way a justification for my actions. No. I know what I did was wrong but, let me add, if I were to go back in time and change something, the only thing I would have changed is my timing. I should have been like this the first time around; during the first attempt of CA-Inter. But, I guess it is true when people say everything happens for a reason. You’ve heard it, right? Once bitten twice shy? Yeah, that was my situation. I am pretty sure it still is. Anyway, our relationship soured and we have just about managed to start speaking to each other normally. It will never go back to how it was. I know it. The least we can be is civil to one another.

So, the CA Final exam results came out today and you passed. You are C.A. K. I am so proud of you. I am so happy for you. I am so very proud that my friend is now a chartered accountant. I love you, I am proud of you but, apparently to you those words aren’t enough. I don’t know how else to express myself. Anonymously then I will wish you and rant. Rant away to eternity until you understand, on your own, my side of the story. Remember at that AOL meeting you told me “I could see everything in your eyes,” I need you to please look into my eyes and see everything NOW.

Comments are most welcome!!

Mr. Shreesha Iyengar

This is a letter to someone. The one that I have a hunch I'll ultimately end up with. I have absolutely no guts to tell it to his face, I choose the cowardly way of doing so, blogging about it under an alias.

The contents ahead are personal. I clearly don't mind anyone reading it, but him. Read it if you want to know one of my innermost secrets or read it as fiction or read it for whatever reason you want. I just have to let it out.

Hi, Mr. Shreesha Iyengar

We met in school. I was an outsider. We got along well, you taught me to play tennis. We were good friends. We went on a school picnic and had fun there as well. I left for Mumbai, we kept in touch through Y! Messenger. I will still maintain that I called you, twice, from here, sneaking money away from home to go to the STD booth to call you (Initial days of moving to Mumbai). I don't know why you never bothered. While chatting on IM, you told me you loved me while I was helping you out with this other girl at your college. You said it didn't work out with her because of your feelings for me. You wanted something between us. Considering the distance between us, I said no. We remained friends. Due to the distance, the "keeping-in-touch" was on and off. When we did speak, it was for a long duration and very deep. Then my best friend tells me one day "Did you see his Orkut profile? It says committed." It was a shock, no less. i asked you and you said, yes, you had a girlfriend. I felt deeply hurt that you didn't tell me. When I asked you for a reason why you didn't tell me of this development, you said "I didn't want you to blabber it to your friends here that you are keeping in contact with." What, am I not supposed to tell my BFF from this former city I lived in that a guy friend from our school had said that he loved me? I was saddened and hurt and angry and depressed that you now belonged to someone else. I made my peace with it and stayed as civil I could with you. You were and are dumb enough to not notice the spitting of words from my side. We have been in contact quite a lot this past month. i like it. We have connected very well. Suddenly, I am able to talk to you about just anything under the sun, really, anything. Because I know for a fact that you will not judge me, no matter what. I loved it when you responded the same way when I said "I don't think I'd be able to talk shit like this with anyone, least of all, future boyfriend/husband!" You are going through a rough patch now. Your Princess is yet to tell her parents about you while they are in a hurry to get her married off, you are having trouble finding a job. You said she is holding back at the moment after just telling you "find a job and come speak to my father"; I hate that bitch to leave you in a lurch like that! You made it clear in other words that I will be the last resort for you, if Princess is sent off with someone else and the "I love you" that you gave me on IM a couple of years ago, has just become a "Princess knows I have a crush on you." Speaking to you today, on 29.06.13 for close to two hours on the phone, while you were drunk gave me a sudden intuition (epiphany?) that we are supposed to be together. I don't know why that is, I don't know whether I am over you, I don't know what grip you have over me, I don't know what my love toward you is, just friendship or something more. We talk a lot, but anything and everything. We are perfect together. you talk more to me than to your girlfriend. I know that she doesn't like me even though you say "she has no problem." Honestly, at the moment, your chances with the Princess seem slim. It makes me smile internally. Bitch I am, I know. Although, I don't know what I'd do if you do get the Princess. I don't know whether I'd get closure, ever. All I can say is, till date, i have always compared every guy that has entered my life to my Appa and next, you. They don't quite meet the standard. You said today that you missed me, you said you needed someone to talk to. I miss you too, I think i even love you, dear Mr. Shreesha Iyengar. I wonder if you've ruined me for other men. (Cliche?)

Regards