Friday, 16 August 2013

I just can't relate to it!!

Alright. I know many of us find ourselves in such situations. You see someone doing/saying something that you JUST can't relate to. Yes, it has happened. And I am about to list out some of them.

1. Not following pedestrian crossing signal- Let me explain how the signal works. When the red light glows, the pedestrians are supposed to halt to let the traffic pass. When the green light glows, the pedestrians should cross the road. How hard is it to understand this basic rule. Really? You think the traffic rules were put in place to cause you more harm than there is!?

2. Motorists honking before the signal says "Go!"- Are you blind? If so, you wouldn't have been given a driver's license. Oh wait, you may not even have a license. My mistake. Either way, let us just assume that since you drive, you are not visually impaired. So, when you can see that the light has not turned green, there are still 4-5 seconds left for the signal to scream "Go!", why the fuck are you honking like there is fire up your ass?

3. Accents- I hate accents. People who live in India, talk in accents. People who go abroad for a very short span, talk in accents. Why? Do you know the one thing I genuinely love and respect about the way Indians speak English? The neutral accent. Yes. When we speak, everybody can understand. That's awesome. It really is. When you ruin that by faking an accent, it takes all the will power in me to not twist your tongue.

4. Speaking loudly over the phone- No. I am not talking about those times when people felt speaking loudly over the phone on a long distance call ensured better quality. I'm talking about the rising level in our speaking volumes today. Okay, given, not just the volume, I hate it when people are rude enough to pick up their mobile phones when another person is having a conversation with them. Hey! I am Queen Rude. I can be rude just to anybody, I can be mean anytime I want. But even I have the manners to say "Excuse me" in formal situations and "Hey! Give me just two minutes for this phone call" during informal conversations. Get your courtesy up and going, people!

5. When girls talk- I know, guys, I know, we talk a lot. Sorry, not we. They talk a lot! I can write as and when my mood permits and I just feel like rambling. How can you girl talk for such long periods over the phone without getting a jaw ache or an ear ache with all the mobile radiation? And how the fuck does your mobile not get heated up? I swear, I was commuting by bus today and this girl beside me was just rambling on about how she was going to some multiplex to buy tickets to the latest box office hit movie. She was rambling, I swear, I'm unable to exactly elaborate on what aspects of the process she touched. Eventually, even the guy on the other end stopped listening, or so I guessed since she suddenly started yelling "Aap kabhi meri baat sunte hi nahi ho? Kabhi toh baat suna karo aur acche se jawab do!" (Translation: "You never listen to anything I say! Can you sometimes listen to what I am saying and give an appropriate response?") Seriously, girl, what do you expect? Do you want him to jump up and down, all excited because you are going to purchase movie tickets for some stupid movie that did not deserve to be a hit? Bloody hell, the guy was not even invited to the movie. Go, take a walk!

6. Distance- People! Maintain some distance! Remember, in school, during the Physical Training period, our teachers taught us the "One hand distance" rule? How about a little application of that in real life? Especially when we are standing in queues? I always, always maintain a good amount of distance with the person in front of me. But the woman behind me has her boobs stuck to my back trying to peer over what is going on ahead or the guy behind me is sticking to me with his bloody paunch and breathing down my neck! And the kids! Seriously? Do you even attend school? When kids stand behind you in a queue, one thing is for certain, the head will touch your butt, accidentally of course, they will touch your hips or butt or back while standing restlessly behind you. What the F!?

7. Guys and porn- No, no, guys! I'm supporting you. Girls! Listen up! Men will be men and boys will be boys. You've heard that, haven't you? Well, what's not to understand? Yes, men watch porn, a lot! So what? As long as he's not actually cheating on you, come on, give the guy a break. So he is watching something stimulating and enjoying himself with a solo performance. Don't by coy, you, sly you! You read 50 shades, girl! You enjoyed Christian Grey! Why the eff can't the guys enjoy!? Hmph!

8. Comments on clothing- I simply can't stand it when people comment on what others are wearing. So what if she's wearing a tight T-shirt? So what if she is wearing shorts? So what if the guy is wearing pink? Good Lord, live and let live! I mean, do you want me to comment about the fucking sleeveless purple colour turtle neck sweater you are wearing with blue jeans on a hot summer day in Mumbai? No? Well, shut up!

That is about it for now :-)

Comments are most welcome!!

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