Tuesday, 10 September 2013

The little pleasures in life

When a really old shirt that was once tight, fits me perfectly

When I have lost even just a few grams of weight

When I have extra jalopenos in my pizza or veggie delight sub

When I have a lot of sweet onion sauce in my veggie delight sub

When my phone's screen is squeaky clean

When the views on my blog have increased significantly

When I find just the perfect shoes in the perfect fit

When I get a window seat in the bus or train

When the bus conductor gives me change for my Rs.500

When I get a lot of rice crispies and caramel in my butterscotch ice cream

When I complete two bottles of water

When I don't dirty my shoes the whole day (especially valid for school kids)

When I eat exceptionally healthy that one day

When I spot a senior-citizen-couple holding hands

When I spot a really small kid laughing madly

When I get a rickshaw without having to haggle/ fight/ threaten to call the cops

When people comment on my blog posts

When I realized that Russell Peters is coming to India (it turned to instant sadness when I saw that the Mumbai show was sold out)

When I watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S and laugh and end up with a belly ache

When my balance sheet tallies (You accountancy nerds, you got it, right?)

When I am able to cross the Sakinaka junction in under 60 seconds (Sakinaka Junction, Andheri has NO pedestrian crossing signals) (Mumbaikars who frequent Andheri, you know what I'm talking about!)

When I just escape a pot hole/ crater on the road with my vehicle

When rickshaw walas/ cab walas/ shopkeepers say "You're welcome" or "Welcome" to my "Thank you!"

When I leave the office very very early, do not inform my boss and get away with it

When that guy I have a crush on, smiles at me <3 <3

When that friend of mine breaks up with the guy I knew was wrong for her and even told her so and I control myself from yelling "I told you so, bitch!"

When I know that I can call my friends "bitch!" and flirt endlessly with my guy friends and yet get away with it

When I know that my friends will vouch for me if my parents ever doubt me of "bad habits"-- read smoking/ drinking/ having a boyfriend

When I close a book and have a smile plastered across my face for hours

When I realize that I'm in love with the protagonist of the book I'm reading

Really long list, eh? When I make lists and they look awesome! :D

When I have a dreamless night of sleep and wake up fresh (allow me to assure you, it hardly ever happens!)

When I end my posts with a Bye-bye! :) and someone says "It's nice how you lambasted eight of your sore points, and then have the grace to sign out with a gentle goodbye and an emoticon :D"

Good night, people! :) :) 

Comments are most welcome!!

Saturday, 7 September 2013

Why I think you are a stupid idiot

You don't offer your seat to senior citizens/ handicapped people/ pregnant women

You spit/ litter (especially on the sign that says "Do not spit/ litter)

You don't thank the rickshaw wala/ cab wala once he has dropped you off at your destination

You don't thank the conductor of the bus after he gives you the ticket

You don't thank the salesman after the transaction

Saying "sorry" doesn't come easily to you when you are at fault (you arrogant moron)

You don't respect your parents/ guardians (they should have screwed you over, badly)

You don't like your family (you should seriously be thrown out)

You kiss some serious ass (Does your mouth stink from all the kissing?)

I texted you at 02:30pm asking you something. You were last seen on Whatsapp at 02:35pm and I receive your response at 03:40pm (You are not busy, we all know that)

You have no sense of hygiene (Refer to my next point)

You dig your nose in public/ adjust you pant around your groin in public/ scratch your butt in public

You use "there", "they're" and "their" wrong (Did you even go to school?)

You are a weight loss freak who would diet to no extent and YET manage to put on weight (are you sure you aren't an alien?)

You are desperate to get married and start a family (I didn't know guys liked desperate :-/ )

You don't stand up for what you think is right

When you walk with your boyfriend, you hold his hand tight and lean on him (He's not running away and you don't need someone to support your weight; the poor guy is unable to walk)

You waste food (You should be left hungry until you learn your lesson)

You drive one of those noisy bikes with no silencers fitted with annoying horns (I don't want to become deaf just because you want to show off your khatara which is not cool)

You have the reverse sound on your car (You know, Titanic, Airtel, Carols)

You hog (and by hog, I mean you eat your share as well as every one else's)

Girl, you wear sleeveless with all that hair on display (And also use deodorant)

Your mouth stinks (you get breath mints for Rs.10)

You have a fake laughter, the one you use to impress someone not in your gang of friends

You show off your degree/ achievements (I thought actions spoke, duh! Stupid me)

You wear such tight pants that they are on the verge of bursting at the seams

Dude, you are wearing tight jeans, your 007 is on display and it looks cheap, don't even think of comparing yourself to the ever elegant and classy James Bond. Idiot. :-/

You waste water

You speak on the phone all the time. ALL THE TIME. ALL. THE. TIME.

I have more. But, I'm sleepy. Good night :)