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Monday, 29 July 2013

Girls and our dirty little secrets


Here is a guide on girls, for girls, from a girl. Okay, not a guide per se. Every girl thinks she has a dirty little secret, or a couple of them, trust me girl, you're not alone. Here are a couple of them. Ladies, I'm just going to state them!

1. The online friend- We all have at least one online friend. We all love online chatting since it offers the security of anonymity. All that unburdening on a faceless and most probably fake named stranger.. wow! Seriously, why is that a secret? You have an online friend, fine! Mind you, it is mostly of the opposite sex. What!? There's nothing wrong in it!

2. Shaving- Lets face it, hair removal, tedious! I wish I were born without any body hair, except bunch on my head, my eyebrows and eye lashes! And mind you, if I am wearing capris, I'm only going to shave the part that is exposed. So, going top to bottom, it'll mostly be forest and desert! Also, when given an option between a cute sleeveless top and a cute top with sleeves, I'm going to go for the one with the sleeves unless I'm in a perky mood.

3. Ms. Confident- Yeah, yeah, you envy Miss Confident.. yes, you do! We all do. Damn it, how is she able to carry herself with such poise? Damn it, how does is she so sure of herself? Are you kidding me? Behind all that confident facade is just another insecure freak. We all have insecurities, life ain't anything without them! What do you have to live for!? :-o

4. The girl who is a friend- All of you girls who have boy friends or husbands or even a crush on a girl, and when they even talk to another girl, you have hot rage building up inside you. Blinding jealousy. To the point of insanity. Okay, the guys may say, she is just a girl who is a friend. But, that is not what is going on in our heads. According to us, she is out there to get you, our competitor in life. And mind you, even my girlfriends will hate that bitch! And if we are the "girl who is a friend", my nice side goes "come on girl, he doesn't want me.. he wants you!" and my bitchy alter ego goes "hahahahaaha" \m/

5. Guys are idiots- We all think that. Most of the time. Only thing, the tone in which we think it differs. At times it is a loving "Guys are such idiots!" and at times it is "You idiot!" in all are righteous glory. And mind you, right we are.

6. Christian Grey- We have all read 50 shades. If not the whole book, characters like me have read the wikipedia entry of 50 shades (and a couple of steamy scenes :-| *I'm not ashamed!*) and find Christian Grey insanely hot. Yes, characters like me may even say that they find the bondage lifestyle un-feminist and blah blah blah, it is still hot, to an extent when you guys take charge. You know, nowadays guys just aren't "man!".. they're "guys" or the more appropriate "boys".. you know, like "boys will be boys!" I'm not looking for a school boy, lady!

7. We fart- You know, being born and brought up in an almost conservative TamBrahm family, ever since I have been a child, I have been told not to fart, especially in front of others. All this and my male cousins and dad used to fart away to glory. When I questioned this, my mum used to say, you're a girl, you're not supposed to fart in front of others. Well, that has stayed with me and being a "grown up", realization dawned that fating is seriously embarrassing. But, we fart when we are alone. Not a care in the world!

8. Time taken to dress up- Why do you think it takes us time to get dressed? I'm not even talking about getting dressed for a party or some outing or even work. Lets just say, it is a Sunday, we have taken a shower and are dressing up, that is, to stay indoors. You know, pajamas and a comfy t-shirt. How the hell can that take time? Well, there lies the secret? What? You think you guys know it? No, you don't. Girls, lets not be shy, they deserve to know. We don't take time moisturizing and or do any beauty crap. We take time because we like to look at ourselves in the mirror, wearing a "towel dress", striking various poses and dance away. You think that's it? No, we like to determine how we look in bikinis as well. I'm not talking more than that!

9. Underarms- Come on, ladies. 99% of us hate our underarms. We do. We can have beautiful skin texture and that sultry Indian brown colour and have dark patches for underarms. I know, right, eugh! Think about living with it. You guys have it just so easy even showing off your "fasal".. eugh! Yes, we all hate our underarms, have tried various methods, found nothing worked (if you are about to try something, let me save you the trouble, it won't) and now it is time we accept the fact and move on.

10. Ogling at women- No, I'm not talking about you guys. Us, girls. We stare at beautiful women too. And the worst part, the subject of the stare feels proud and we embarrassed. Come on, man, you see a beautiful creature walk past you, the perfect face, the perfect smile, the perfect body, how the fuck can you not stare? And mind you, that does not make us homosexuals or bisexuals for that matter. We are just appreciating beauty! (All you homosexuals and bisexuals, more power to you!)

*Mind you, the above has been written from a plain Jane point of view. If you don't fall in that category, *cough* great!!*

Have I missed anything? Lets have them in the comments section!