Murder of the Queen's language Part II

Here are a few more gems:

Harmonical imbalance- This colleague of mine is getting married by the end of this month. You know how girls are. If they're getting married, they get laser surgery done for their eyes, they get some kind of treatment doe for their skin, some crap for their skin, go on a diet (more on that later) and start exercising like crazy to lose all that fat that has accumulated over the past 24-25 years of their life (seriously?) Anyway, this girl is no different. While she was speaking to this other colleague of mine, she kept harping on how she was naturally skinny and how the drugs given by her doctor for the facial pimples had led to Harmonical Imbalance in her body and had caused her to put on weight. Yes, you read it right. Harmonical imbalance. Ah, harmonically imbalanced hormonal imbalance, who would have thought?

Getting numerous testis done- Yeah, I know. Don't squirm, allow me to explain! So, the girl I was talking about just above, who wants to undergo laser surgery and some treatment for her skin had and still has to undergo numerous testis. Tests pronounced with an added "I".. selfishness is bad.. in many ways!

Saying anyways, any which ways, no ways- Kill me. Now. I know you youngsters just love your lingo. Hey, I am one among you. But, what I hate is the use of the previously mentioned words. WHY? How about just "anyway", "any which way", "no way"? You really need an Oxford English Dictionary. Get one. Go through it. Please. For me and the future of the English language. And for your English paper.

Interchanging "then" and "than"- If I prepare this report, will we than finalize it? Okay! Lets do it than! Other then that do we have any work? No? Lets go jump into the well! Go get your English right rather than just your looks and then talk! I don't know how to explain the correct usage, just Google.

I didn't knew that- Who knew? You didn't knew? Oh well, I didn't know either! I'm not even going to try to explain this one.

I read it in the paper (TOI 18.07.13) and it read that Brits have started using the term "wicked" instead of a heartfelt "thank you". Wicked? Wicked? Wicked? So, my boyfriend gives me flowers and I go "Wicked!" Ditto for a birthday card, good luck card, congratulations card, wedding anniversary card, Mother's day card, Father's day card, Children's day card and, is there an end to this, really? Dear Lord, would you say "wicked" instead of "thank you" if someone offered you their condolences? Ugh! Imagine me paying the taxi wala the fare and giving him a "wicked!" instead of a "thank you!" .. what the F!

Comments are most welcome!!

Murder of the Queen's language

Hullo!

Yes, a "Hullo" is just the beginning. Whatever happened to good old "Hello!"; pronunciation wise. As for writing it, why do people say "Hallo!". I don't get it. The Queen doesn't get it. Good Lord, do you even get it!?

In this post, I will go on about all the English-language-related crimes committed by people in my office. Seriously, who else can be the butt of my jokes?

Written English:

"I request you to kindly revert back"- Why? First of all, allow me to say, the usage of "revert" itself is wrong. What, you think I'm wrong? Go here. You see? So, technically, what that sentence means is "I request you to kindly return back." Return back what? Your God awful English? Oh, oh, oh, me first!

"Provision for doughful debts"- Whatever happened to proofreading e-mails and then sending it to clients. Whatever happened to spell check. You are using a computer, it does not auto correct and "doughful" is not even a word! Just f.y.i, what was meant was "Provision for doubtful debts"

Spoken English:

"Aap laser ko analyze keejiye"- Am I the only one to have seniors who write, walk and talk pathetic English. I know for a fact that you would think "What's wrong with her? What's so wrong about that sentence?" Well, if you read my blog, you'll know that I am CA student. Lasers and stuff like that was abandoned by me back in my 10th standard (a couple of hundred years ago) Science textbook. So, what does that sentence mean? "Aap ledger to analyze keejiye." I know, I know, don't worry about it, me too.


"Sony Xpria"- Alright, alright, I know you've heard of Sony Xperia. No need to get all excited! But, did you read what I wrote properly? No, you didn't. Lets give it another try. Sony Xpria. Yep! Now you did it. The word itself is "Xperia"  which was pronounced by one of my colleagues as "Xpria". Seriously, dude, why? Just because Sony dropped an "E" from the beginning does not mean you drop an "E" from the word too. They are an MNC. And you are a, well, whatever. *Do not abuse a colleague on your blog*

"Oh shits yaar!"- IS THAT EVEN A WORD? "Shit"- okay. But the plural form? Shits? Shit itself is used to show heightened vulgarity and, well, profanity. Hey, Wikipedia says so, not according to you & I ;-). So, when a single "shit" can convey your meaning, why would you go for its plural form?

"Oh fricks!"- No. It is not a word. Freak. Now that is the word this girl was going for. But, her pronunciation gave her "frick". With an added "s". We Indians love free things, I tell you. You know how today's generation uses the word freely. "Oh freak! I didn't study anything for the exam" Honey, if you could just drop the word, I can assure you your teacher wouldn't take 1 mark away from you. "Seriously? Is it raining that heavily? Is there flooding anywhere? Oh freak!" Okay, fine. Oh freak! So, all in all, I am fine with it. The current generation is making up its own language (so am I :D) but why the plural? How about just keeping it to "freak" and not reaching for an "s"?

"Woh mera hard dicks leke gayi"- I swear, this blog doesn't entertain adult content. I swear, this blog post is clean. So, what did the guy mean when he said that? Allow me to paint a picture. Okay, I have all ten seasons of F.R.I.E.N.D.S and the guy wanted them. I refused to get them to the office and said if you want give me your hard drive disk and I'll give it to you. And he said "Woh mera hard dicks leke gayi." I was stunned for a moment or two and took my time to respond so as to not burst out laughing. He meant "Woh mera hard disc leke gayi." Yes, the interchanging of "c" and "s" is one thing I absolutely cannot stand! "Come on everybody! Lets go the dic-so!! Woot Woot!!" Get it?

"Aap gems se puchiye woh James ka stock take ka kya hua"- Yaar, gems se kaise puchega woh? Let me clear it for you, she meant, "Aap James se puchiye woh gems ka stock take ka kya hua." So, our client is a major player in the gems industry and a guy named "James" is an employee. And my senior interchanged the pronunciation. Why? Ask her, man.

I want you to analyse the analysis and list everything"- And then what do you want? Should I analyse the list and make an analysis again? X-(

"Give me the hard printout"- I think the printer just died laughing at that dialogue of yours. What's wrong with people!?

"Aaj Shreesha ka khaali hoga"- She was referring to my place at the office and my computer for someone Else's usage. Mera nahi, aapka khali hai. :-/

Okay, I need to get back to studying if I want to score 650+ on the GMAT exam. Hope you had a good laugh! :-)

*Kindly ignore English language errors, if any. The post was written while I was shaking uncontrollably with laughter. Can you blame me?* ;-)

Comments are most welcome!!