Why I think you are a stupid idiot

You don't offer your seat to senior citizens/ handicapped people/ pregnant women

You spit/ litter (especially on the sign that says "Do not spit/ litter)

You don't thank the rickshaw wala/ cab wala once he has dropped you off at your destination

You don't thank the conductor of the bus after he gives you the ticket

You don't thank the salesman after the transaction

Saying "sorry" doesn't come easily to you when you are at fault (you arrogant moron)

You don't respect your parents/ guardians (they should have screwed you over, badly)

You don't like your family (you should seriously be thrown out)

You kiss some serious ass (Does your mouth stink from all the kissing?)

I texted you at 02:30pm asking you something. You were last seen on Whatsapp at 02:35pm and I receive your response at 03:40pm (You are not busy, we all know that)

You have no sense of hygiene (Refer to my next point)

You dig your nose in public/ adjust you pant around your groin in public/ scratch your butt in public

You use "there", "they're" and "their" wrong (Did you even go to school?)

You are a weight loss freak who would diet to no extent and YET manage to put on weight (are you sure you aren't an alien?)

You are desperate to get married and start a family (I didn't know guys liked desperate :-/ )

You don't stand up for what you think is right

When you walk with your boyfriend, you hold his hand tight and lean on him (He's not running away and you don't need someone to support your weight; the poor guy is unable to walk)

You waste food (You should be left hungry until you learn your lesson)

You drive one of those noisy bikes with no silencers fitted with annoying horns (I don't want to become deaf just because you want to show off your khatara which is not cool)

You have the reverse sound on your car (You know, Titanic, Airtel, Carols)

You hog (and by hog, I mean you eat your share as well as every one else's)

Girl, you wear sleeveless with all that hair on display (And also use deodorant)

Your mouth stinks (you get breath mints for Rs.10)

You have a fake laughter, the one you use to impress someone not in your gang of friends

You show off your degree/ achievements (I thought actions spoke, duh! Stupid me)

You wear such tight pants that they are on the verge of bursting at the seams

Dude, you are wearing tight jeans, your 007 is on display and it looks cheap, don't even think of comparing yourself to the ever elegant and classy James Bond. Idiot. :-/

You waste water

You speak on the phone all the time. ALL THE TIME. ALL. THE. TIME.

I have more. But, I'm sleepy. Good night :)

I just can't relate to it!!

Alright. I know many of us find ourselves in such situations. You see someone doing/saying something that you JUST can't relate to. Yes, it has happened. And I am about to list out some of them.

1. Not following pedestrian crossing signal- Let me explain how the signal works. When the red light glows, the pedestrians are supposed to halt to let the traffic pass. When the green light glows, the pedestrians should cross the road. How hard is it to understand this basic rule. Really? You think the traffic rules were put in place to cause you more harm than there is!?

2. Motorists honking before the signal says "Go!"- Are you blind? If so, you wouldn't have been given a driver's license. Oh wait, you may not even have a license. My mistake. Either way, let us just assume that since you drive, you are not visually impaired. So, when you can see that the light has not turned green, there are still 4-5 seconds left for the signal to scream "Go!", why the fuck are you honking like there is fire up your ass?

3. Accents- I hate accents. People who live in India, talk in accents. People who go abroad for a very short span, talk in accents. Why? Do you know the one thing I genuinely love and respect about the way Indians speak English? The neutral accent. Yes. When we speak, everybody can understand. That's awesome. It really is. When you ruin that by faking an accent, it takes all the will power in me to not twist your tongue.

4. Speaking loudly over the phone- No. I am not talking about those times when people felt speaking loudly over the phone on a long distance call ensured better quality. I'm talking about the rising level in our speaking volumes today. Okay, given, not just the volume, I hate it when people are rude enough to pick up their mobile phones when another person is having a conversation with them. Hey! I am Queen Rude. I can be rude just to anybody, I can be mean anytime I want. But even I have the manners to say "Excuse me" in formal situations and "Hey! Give me just two minutes for this phone call" during informal conversations. Get your courtesy up and going, people!

5. When girls talk- I know, guys, I know, we talk a lot. Sorry, not we. They talk a lot! I can write as and when my mood permits and I just feel like rambling. How can you girl talk for such long periods over the phone without getting a jaw ache or an ear ache with all the mobile radiation? And how the fuck does your mobile not get heated up? I swear, I was commuting by bus today and this girl beside me was just rambling on about how she was going to some multiplex to buy tickets to the latest box office hit movie. She was rambling, I swear, I'm unable to exactly elaborate on what aspects of the process she touched. Eventually, even the guy on the other end stopped listening, or so I guessed since she suddenly started yelling "Aap kabhi meri baat sunte hi nahi ho? Kabhi toh baat suna karo aur acche se jawab do!" (Translation: "You never listen to anything I say! Can you sometimes listen to what I am saying and give an appropriate response?") Seriously, girl, what do you expect? Do you want him to jump up and down, all excited because you are going to purchase movie tickets for some stupid movie that did not deserve to be a hit? Bloody hell, the guy was not even invited to the movie. Go, take a walk!

6. Distance- People! Maintain some distance! Remember, in school, during the Physical Training period, our teachers taught us the "One hand distance" rule? How about a little application of that in real life? Especially when we are standing in queues? I always, always maintain a good amount of distance with the person in front of me. But the woman behind me has her boobs stuck to my back trying to peer over what is going on ahead or the guy behind me is sticking to me with his bloody paunch and breathing down my neck! And the kids! Seriously? Do you even attend school? When kids stand behind you in a queue, one thing is for certain, the head will touch your butt, accidentally of course, they will touch your hips or butt or back while standing restlessly behind you. What the F!?

7. Guys and porn- No, no, guys! I'm supporting you. Girls! Listen up! Men will be men and boys will be boys. You've heard that, haven't you? Well, what's not to understand? Yes, men watch porn, a lot! So what? As long as he's not actually cheating on you, come on, give the guy a break. So he is watching something stimulating and enjoying himself with a solo performance. Don't by coy, you, sly you! You read 50 shades, girl! You enjoyed Christian Grey! Why the eff can't the guys enjoy!? Hmph!

8. Comments on clothing- I simply can't stand it when people comment on what others are wearing. So what if she's wearing a tight T-shirt? So what if she is wearing shorts? So what if the guy is wearing pink? Good Lord, live and let live! I mean, do you want me to comment about the fucking sleeveless purple colour turtle neck sweater you are wearing with blue jeans on a hot summer day in Mumbai? No? Well, shut up!

That is about it for now :-)

Comments are most welcome!!