Karthikai 2013

Comments are most welcome!!

Teenage drama (!?)

When I was cleaning my cupboard this morning, I came across an old memory card of 1GB. When I opened the files, I found a Word file named "Dreams". Something written by me on 31.08.2010 at 12:04am. I had just started my second year of B.com. Thought I should share:

Dreams are not what you see when you’re asleep, but the ones that do not let you sleep, they say. My tears may not dry, my eyes may seem happy, but my heart yearns to see that day.

A day when my heart is overwhelmed with happiness, my eyes overflowing with tears of joy.

A day when I would not know how to store happiness within.

A day when I would be so content with life, so blissful and divine, and when my eyes would reflect the calm within.

A day when I would make my choices, and be loved for them.

A day when I would not be asked to explain my decisions.

A day when I would not be asked to justify my actions.

A day when I would receive validation for my feelings.

A day when I will be loved. Unconditionally.

Yes, I crave acceptance. I crave affection, and admiration. My feelings fear rejection. Anger is the cloth I put in my defense. But all I crave is validation.

I fear that in this feigning of satisfaction, I might end up hurting myself, if not others. Pleasing others at the cost of one’s happiness isn’t quite the ‘in’ thing, right?

I suppose I’ll eventually find a way out. It can’t be the end if it is not happy. It is only Happy Endings that exist. Maybe patience would help. Maybe some tact, a little lesser level of impulsiveness, and yes, some faith in me should be it. At times I wonder if it’s worth dreaming. At this moment I dream of everlasting happiness, and I’m ready to give all it takes to see a life that way.

I cannot say "Good Lord! I was so immature!" because I still am. :D Good day!

Comments are most welcome!!